Michael Orton-Toliver (fourmdot) wrote,
Michael Orton-Toliver

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Im unappreciative

Brendan, Kevin and Will are gone after spending a week out here with me and Matt.

First off all, let me say I had a great time, especially when we got to see Minus the Bear (everyone needs to check them out)! But, in some ways it was really tough to have them out here.

The biggest reason was that I knew they were going to leave after only a week. I was a little sad just seconds after first seeing them. Its like the clock had started and time was running out. The second reason is harder to explain…

Seeing people from home is like evidence that you exist. That’s why Matt and I literally beg for people to come out. Not to sound like a bitch, Amsterdam is great, the job is great, the people are great. But its not where I am from, and it’s not where I am going. Seeing family and friends from the “old country” gives me a shot at perspective:

Me: Look at that! Isn’t that fucking crazy!

Family/Friend: Yeah, we never do it like that at home.

…but us boomers talk big game about our lifestyles and reputations out here. So, when someone comes out to visit there is a self inflicted pressure to produce. So I end up stressing myself out to shit. Todd, Will, Kevin, and Brendan all had a great time without a lot of help from me, but still you feel like you are letting them down if they aren’t partying at all times. But most of the time I don’t want to party. I want to sit and catch up, maybe get dinner. It’s a weird balance… fucking Amsterdam.

Consequently I am left with this exhausted emptiness when they leave… my friends are gone… It’s like I don’t exist again. And I didn’t even really get to see them.

Don’t get me wrong- we do party hard. Here’s a list of things I witnessed while with my buds.

1. An African American man screaming “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you” at me as we walked down the Leidseplein.

2. Brendan and Kevin locking themselves inside Matt’s apartment for two hours

3. A Dutch woman seeking refuge at our party from her crazy Cuban boyfriend who was beating her up.

4. Kevin getting choked.

5. Two English kids doing coke on Chapman’s couch.

6. Ending an all night party at noon with playing catch in the middle of the street with an american football.

7. A Dutch woman dressed like six from TV’s Blossom soloing on the trumpet.

8. Keving proclaiming “that’s bullshit” after waiting too long for the cook to replace his beloved Spaghetti ball.

Maybe the cure is a nice trip home.

I sound like a bitch.
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